Why Deep Down You’ve Always Hated Certain Numbers

 

 

And why productivity will be down 23% at your office this year

 

Twenty nineteen.  I’ve been trying on this new year name for a few days now and I gotta tell you , I don’t like it.

 

It’s awkward.  And not just in a normal new date kind of way.  Switching from the 90’s to the two thousands was awkward.  But this new year is just so weird, so uncomfortable.  Even when I’m not saying it, just knowing it’s there, twenty nineteen, gives me the heebee jeebee’s.

 

It doesn’t feel right at all.  You know how watching the sunset feels spectacular, watching it gently disappear into bed over the lake or the mountains; the colour change, the peacefulness, the beauty?  Well twenty nineteen feels like the exact opposite of all that.

 

First, it’s an odd number.  Everyone hates odd numbers.  I mean who can relate to a year that is not even divisible by 2?  There is always someone left out.

 

Some odd numbered years we can learn to like.  2017 was cool for me because I was born on the 17th day of a particular month, so although it was an odd numbered year, I still felt a certain kinship with it.  And 2015 was cool because all 5’s are cool.  I mean, nickels rock!  Here in Canada we have beavers on our nickels and if a nickel wasn’t your favourite coin when you were a kid, I mean you had something wrong with you, let’s just all agree on that right now.  So 2015 got a pass.

 

But 2013?  Horrible. 2011?  Even worse.  And honestly 2019 is giving 2011 a run for its horrible, horrible money.

 

I predict more road rage, more discontent, busier emergency rooms, longer internet buffering times, more junk mail, colder fries from Wendy’s and less lottery winnings in this creepy bastard of a year.  Oh you just mark my word!

 

And who can blame people?  I mean it’s hard to function in a year that’s so close to 2020 (a perfect even numbered year if there ever was one, am I right?) but yet we remain in a cold and unloving odd year. It makes ones blood boil just reading about it!

 

Before I get too enraged to finish typing, let me just conclude with a couple of things about this year:

 

Let’s face it, 2020 is going to be a spectacular year, everyone can see that coming. Heck, you can FEEL it coming.  The symmetry of the number, the repetition of the digits… my gosh it’s going to be fantastic.  Maybe twenty nineteen just can’t live up to the hype?

 

Either way, I don’t care.  I hate it.

 

The only people I can even imagine who could like this horrible twenty nineteen year are people who are actually nineteen years old this year. That even I admit is kind of cool.  But the people who are nineteen this year were also born in the year 2000 and let’s acknowledge the obvious.  To be born in that amazing year they obviously must have a golden horseshoe in their pocket.  They own this damn century!  So they can love 2019 if they want to.

 

(Incidentally, if you think I am angry about this twenty nineteen business, do you know who is really angry?  The people turning 18 in twenty nineteen.  Think about it.  They’re furious and rightly so.  But I digress…)

 

So go easy on your staff this year when productivity plummets.  Even if they aren’t “numbers” people, the doldrums of twenty nineteen will affect 63% of all people.  And don’t hate me for making up these statistics, what else was I supposed to do in twenty nineteen?

 

#worstyearever

 

 

 

(Carrie’s note:  I get a few submissions from the F Rev community from time to time, this one was so fabulously different I had to share it.  I hope you had a laugh, I’ll never look at 2019 the same again!)